i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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