my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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