So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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