all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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