He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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