im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
