you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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