Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
