Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
