I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
