My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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