she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
