this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
