you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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