I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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