Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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