you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Dick very happy bro
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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