Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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