This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
