I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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