and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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