Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
