my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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