Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
