Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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