Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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