The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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