I'm eating all of the evidence.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize