it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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