never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
