We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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