At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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