So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
