i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
