but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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