I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
