Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
