everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
