Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
