If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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