then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
