She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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