I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
