Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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