..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
