yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
