I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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