Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
