Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
