every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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