Screwed.edu
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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