Do vagina's smell?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
