when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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