you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
