I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
