I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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