we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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