I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
