I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Naked. naked and bneed help.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
