Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
