Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
