if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
