Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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