that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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