Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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