so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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