OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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