i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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