Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize