I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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