there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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