whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
