If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
