my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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