dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
