I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
