They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
