I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
