I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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