You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize