So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Woke up backwards on a recliner
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
