I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize