I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
