I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
