I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
