my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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