Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
