it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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