i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
