Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
