guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
