I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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