with your own penis?
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
