I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize