I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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