oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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