I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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