so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
