I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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