Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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