If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
