My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I touched a dick in church today
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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