sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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