So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
